Leading when you are dealing with a manager whose behavior is unhelpful is hard. They might be a brilliant strategist but a terrible communicator, a micromanager who crushes innovation, or a leader who simply isn’t modeling the inclusive behavior your organization preaches.
You know the statistics: people leave managers, not companies. This is more than just a personal frustration; it’s a silent killer of your workplace culture and the biggest threat to talent retention. When leaders in power create fear, insecurity, or a lack of belonging, the best people start quietly polishing their resumes.
As leaders, we talk a lot about “leading down” and “leading across,” but what about leading up? When your manager is the one who needs the pivot, the responsibility falls to you to lead with courage, clarity, and intention. This is your career, and you have the power to create your own pivot point.
Here are four essential strategies for leading up when your manager is modeling unhelpful behavior.
1. Pivot from Fixer to Modeler: Focus on Your Circle of Control
The temptation is to get frustrated, complain to peers, or try to fix your manager. Stop. This only burns your energy.
The first pivot is recognizing that you cannot change anyone but yourself. You can, however, change your own behavior and reaction, which, in turn, shifts the dynamic.
Action: Focus on modeling the exact behavior you want to see. If your manager is poor at communication, become the gold standard of clear, proactive communication in your interactions with them. If they lack curiosity, ensure you are asking thoughtful, inclusive questions in meetings. Lead the way by showing your manager—and your team—what effective, inclusive leadership looks like. You can influence the workplace culture of your immediate team by being a change agent.
2. Pivot from Complaining to Coaching: Master the Candid Conversation
Most employees avoid giving upward feedback because of the power dynamic. It feels risky. But a true leader—even one without the formal title—knows that silence is consent, and it’s detrimental to the business.
We must pivot from a “cancel culture” mentality to a coaching culture mindset. Your goal isn’t to punish; it’s to provide data for improvement.
Action: Prepare to have a candid conversation. Frame the feedback around the impact of their behavior, not your interpretation of their intent.
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Focus on the Behavior: “I’ve noticed that when X happens, you tend to cut off certain team members.”
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Explain the Impact: “The impact of that behavior is that others on the team are now hesitant to speak up, which means we’re missing out on diverse perspectives and slowing down our project progress.”
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Propose a Solution (The Pivot): “Moving forward, could we agree that when you notice that happening, we pause and consciously invite two more voices into the discussion?”
This objective, data-driven approach gives them a clear path forward and shifts the conversation from personal attack to professional growth. You are giving your manager a chance to pivot, which is key to improving your workplace culture.
3. Pivot from Isolation to Allyship: Build Your Coalition
You are not alone in this experience. Unhelpful leadership creates shared frustration. Trying to address systemic issues in isolation is exhausting and often fruitless.
Your third pivot is recognizing that allyship is a team sport. Systemic change is only possible when people with and without power work together.
Action: Confide in trusted, neutral allies. This could be a mentor, a senior leader in another department, or a supportive peer. The goal is two-fold:
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Validation: Sharing your experience provides much-needed psychological safety and validation.
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Strategy: Your allies can help you strategize the best timing and approach for the brave conversation. They may also have the positional power to support your feedback with the necessary context that drives organizational change.
By bringing these issues to light with others who can influence the system, you are engaging in a necessary form of internal allyship that protects your own career and supports your organization’s long-term talent retention efforts.
4. Pivot from Endurance to Liberation: Know When to Pivot Out
Sometimes, despite your best modeling, coaching, and coalition-building, the manager or the system remains unwilling to change. When a leader refuses to pivot, they signal that they are not committed to an inclusive workplace culture.
Action: The final pivot is recognizing your value and choosing liberation over endurance.
If your manager is consistently standing in the way of your ability to feel seen, heard, and belong—the core of effective leadership—then staying is no longer an act of loyalty; it’s a career risk. Choosing to leave in this situation is the ultimate act of self-allyship.
For the organization, losing you is a direct consequence of a failed talent retention strategy. It is the clearest signal they can receive that their culture is fundamentally broken at the leadership level.
Leading up is challenging, but it is necessary for your personal growth. By modeling inclusive behavior, speaking up constructively, and building your circle of allies, you stop waiting for permission and start claiming your power. Be the leader you wish your manager were, and if they don’t follow, have the courage to make your next pivot.
What’s your next pivot? Schedule time to brainstorm for 2026 here.